Article posted May 9, 2012 at 12:50 PM GMT0 •
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When your life constantly is switched from good, to bad, you become this little ball of confusion. Like me for example, im never quiet either actually im never really happy, but never really sad.. im just turned off. like im in sleep mode, not letting anything or anyone see me.. i close everyone out so they cant hurt me. Even my own best-friend. Me and her are never truly okay, we're always partly broken, some how..
I guess, im just lost.. yeah, lost. i dont know who i am, what i want, or where i want to be.. Sometimes i wish i could just disappear, sometimes i feel like i already have.. Well class is over, and i have to go. Good bye, who ever is reading this.. Have a good day. and Smile.. For me.. Please? <3
-LoveNeverDies.
Article posted May 9, 2012 at 12:50 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 212
Article posted May 3, 2012 at 12:55 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 63
Remember the days we would stare up at the clouds, holding hands, just wasting time, but being together? It seems as if life is a big mess of "i remember when's" and "Used to be's". Well i remember when we used to be happy, i remember when i used to have faith in you, but now... Now, i cant remember whether the smiles were pure, or as fake as the "i love you's."
I dont what it all meant to you, but it meant, and still means the world to me.. I'll never forget the way when i was scared, our heartbeats made the thunder sound weak, i'll never forget all the countless nights we spent laughing at nothing, and counting stars. Everything seems to remind me of you.. everything.. When im with him, i think of you, the way you held me.. Why cant i be enough, i guess i never really was enough to fill your body with the love you filled me with..
Every word i said when we were together.. i meant it.. Not only the "i love you's" but i meant the, "one day you'll see the beauty i see in you." I know you never believed me, but i was finally starting the "beauty" you seen in me, i was finally starting to be happy..
I'll trick you with the fake smiles, and giggles, but it'll never mean what it used to mean.. In every smile, used to me a small i love you.. In ever fake smile, is a little "look what you've done to me..." i hope you're happy with the mess you made, you left it for someone else to fix.. One day someone will see me, and my broken insides and see true beauty, a piece of art work.. Something UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL.
I just want to understand something.. What was your plan in the beginning? Did you mean to fix me and put me back to where i was?! Well you did.. and i-i dont want to be here. In fact, today i'll start healing, i wont forget you but i'll do my damn best to make memories that put ours in the shadows.
Im going to stop pretending that everything is okay when it isnt.
The promises you failed to keep will be my ambition, I WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN. Whether its with or without you.. I'm not going to let you ruin the little bit of me that i still have faith in.. So have a great life Blake. Ill miss you, but its time for me to give up on promises left behind.
Article posted May 3, 2012 at 12:55 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 63
Article posted May 1, 2012 at 12:20 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 43
These past few days have been really hard.. I hate constantly feeling like i'm not good enough. Like im not human. Sometimes i swear, people set out to build me up and tear me down. Even the ones who i think might, just might be different.. Well that's the case with Blake, everything was fine.. The, BAM! He goes and breaks the rest of me.. As if my life wasn't messed up enough as it is.. But, i've always told myself "The truth hurts, but it helps to heal you." I've always told myself that the truth was lies.. but now i'm seeing everything through a new light.. A dimmer one..He was the world my word revolves around, the gravity the held me up, and the air that filled my lungs.. He was my everything.. Sure, people say that its just puppy love. but its not.. i guess its true, your first "true, and genuine" love, hurts the most when it ends, And right now; its nearly killing me. i don't have the energy to do anything, i sit up crying at night thinking of the "used to be's" and "remember whens." it sucks, the pain isn't just emotional anymore, m heart hurts.. It feels like it just went through a war, and now its broken a little more than the last, but i'll survive i always do.. I don't know whether to be happy, that im still fighting, or upset that he's gone. I'm just going to take this as a lesson, and that lesson is; "don't give your heart to people that don't deserve it." I;'m going to learn to take my pain, and turn it into something beautiful. I'm going to change ; for the better. Im going to keep my head up and smile through the pain, and for the days i feel like i cant smile; im going to remember the night at the creek,behind your house. the night you gave me the "key to your heart" and i gave you that little piece of me. I'll smile even though its a "remember when we used to be". it's killing me, typing this, and seeing my thoughts come out on this screen; but the pain is only temporary, kinda like the love you showed me.. I'll only know the feeling for a short amount of time.. i cherished the time we had. i loved every second of it. But the pain it causes me now, i could certainly live without.. But tell me now before i go, was this your plan from the beginning? to build me up, then break down the "beautiful" thing you fixed, and made your own? If it wasn't for the promises you broke, i wouldn't be asking, but i am; because you did.. so tell me.. did you ever mean the beautiful words the poured from your lips? " i love you. "
Article posted May 1, 2012 at 12:20 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 43
Article posted April 27, 2012 at 12:40 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 53
Im slowly learning that in order to live a good life you have to have hope, its inside everyone; whether they know it or not. You're always hoping for something, it may be good or bad. Like right now, im hoping that everything will be okay; and ill live to tell the story of this stupid thing called high school.
Yeah, everyone goes through high school sooner or later, but not everyone enjoys it.. im trying to enjoy it, but with all these stupid fights, and teachers it's hard. My grades are the best but im bringing them up.. well im trying at least. I've got plenty of people who want to see me succeed, but its me who needs to do the work.. My mum HOPES that i'll be the one in the family that does something with life, and starting today i'm going to try my hardest to become the person she wants to see, and i want to make her proud.
I want people to be able to look at me and say "Wow, She's really changed. She USED TO BE a slacker, and a idiot; but now she's something great."
In going to become someone everyone likes, and wants to be, i'll be Anna Chilberg.<3
Article posted April 27, 2012 at 12:40 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 53
Article posted April 17, 2012 at 12:57 PM GMT0 •
comment (3) • Reads 144
In class today we're researching a man named Jay Bohnsack that started following Mr. Schnieder on Twitter.
If Mr. Bohnsack, were to go out of state maybe to New York, he would fly out of Quad City International Airport.
If you got to Moline High School, your likely yo root for WIU.
If i lived in Taylor Ridge, IL; i'd take Mrs. Bohnsack to http://montanajackssteakhouse.com/
Yes, Jay and Joel are related, brothers.
Oh Goodness, i dont have enought time to finish oh look thats the bell. Ill finish another time.
Well Good-bye for now. <3
Have a wondrous day.(:
Article posted April 17, 2012 at 12:57 PM GMT0 •
comment (3) • Reads 144
Article posted April 5, 2012 at 12:35 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 54
Well My days consist of Waking up, going to school, and coming home; but its the *little things* that make my days so amazing.
I have 3 best friends, Ashley, Blake, and Shannon, You've heard about her in past entries.-.
Well Ashley, is the one that i've been depending on a lot lately, I mean she's been that shoulder to lean on while my other best friends have been fighting.
Me and Blake, are done fighting. Finally..
Do you have that one person that makes your life so much better, and shines as bright as the sun when your down? Yeah, well for me, that's Blake.
He's honestly the sweetest, and most kind-hearted person i've ever met ; he makes me smile when no one else can, even when Ash, or Shannon cant. He's special. Blake understands my life, he has a grip on it like no one else does. i could write forever about him, but i have to talk about my other best friend.
Shannon,i love her dearly, but we fight so much.
Sometimes i lose all faith in her and other times i depend on her to make me happy. Have you ever had a friendship where two of your best friend were dating but broke up? Yeah that's Shannon, and Blake. To be honest, Blake deserves someone whos not going to leave for someone else. She left the poor boy heart broken, but it's not my relationship i shall keep my nose out of it. As i was saying, Shannon and i met in the beginning of this year, when school started actually. She lives really close to me so i figured might as well make friends with her. Come to find out we had a LOT in common like, our musical tastes, the types of guys we like, and our life's are really similar in some ways but in others its completely different.
My friends are the people i depend on to Breathe, They are what keep me sane. With out them, i dont know where i'd be. i know i hurt them sometimes, but i dont do it intentionally, i just aim too high ans shoot the down sometimes. But I do love them and i always will, no matter what.<3
Article posted April 5, 2012 at 12:35 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 54
Article posted April 5, 2012 at 11:59 AM GMT0 •
comment (4) • Reads 100
Well, i feel a bit saddened to say that i only have 10 visitors, and they're all from Connecticut..
Thats not very wide spread and if i'm not mistaken they're all from Seymour. Want to see what im talking about? then go here
All you'll see is little dots, but those dots are you.(:
Article posted April 5, 2012 at 11:59 AM GMT0 •
comment (4) • Reads 100
Article posted March 26, 2012 at 12:34 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 43
One day you'll learn that im no good for you.. That i was just like one of the others that hurt you, you need to get over the fact that i LIKED you.
I told you i gave up.. and im still holding true to my gut. You wanted me to give up; i didnt stand a chance against the "boy of your dreams."
Well now that i've found my "dream guy" im truly letting go- of everything.. You didnt want me to like you, so now there ya go.
I just find it funny, how as soon as i get over you- you start acting like you might, just might care.. But i know all to well that its a pigment of my imagination.. Lime our friendship.. haha, the word friendship makes me laugh. It used to mean something in a not so distant past; but now its just like word love.. Over used and extremely hare to find the true form of it..
We used to be so bright, shinning stars, Bright, and Alive. Im alive. i have reason to live. Daniel.. You have reason to live too, but you sacrificed me for him.. So you lost me.
This was a battle i could not win. I just could not beat the feelings i had. Then, Daniel came in..She took my feelings for you and turned them into feelings for him.. They're strong and, unwilling to be broken.. With his smile, and beautiful eyes, he's fixing me.. Slowly learning how to fix what you broke. He is taking his time. He knows im rough around the edges and that if he pushes to hard he'll get cut and break me. Causing more damage than before.
But, he is willing to Give the time i wasted on you back to me. All he wants is for me to be happy. That sounds familiar, sounds like what i used to say to you..But hes not exactly like me.. He isn't one to give up easily. like i was,And this time im not going to give my happiness up for someone who didnt care.. In the long run, we're better off like this. Yeah we can be friends, but i will never trust you or feel the same as i did when we first met.. I know i'll miss the warmth of your touch but, i'll be strong and suck it up.
Xoxo
Little Catapillar~
~Anna Thomas~<3 c':
Article posted March 26, 2012 at 12:34 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 43
Article posted March 22, 2012 at 12:37 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 60
Well another day in paradise.. if you can call it that. maybe life is starting to look up for me. Maybe im supposed to be happy.
Well im supposed to be doing my projects, But im Anna; and everyone knows that i dont do work. Just ask anyone who thinks they know me. Oh thats right,no one in this stupid town knows me.. the REAL me. they may think they do but they dont.
I hate how everyone acts as if they own me, I own myself. im me. Stupid ignorant people cant control or define me. im simply UNDEFINABLE. I mean yeah im Stupid, And Selfconcious... but you cant get any deeper than that. i dont let anyone in.. unless your her.. She isnt allowed in but she Forces her way in.. and if i dont let her.. she plays with toilet paper under the bathroom door *inside joke*
Today is the day i stop living to please everyone else. I LIVE TO PLEASE ME. even if my choices arent the best. i have the best INTENTIONS..
Kind of. I want to make everyone happy, but my life is MY life no one elses. So now i can finally say, Im Living To Be Me.<3
XOXOXO~
Little Catapillar
~Anna~ c:
Article posted March 22, 2012 at 12:37 PM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 60
Article posted March 16, 2012 at 11:51 AM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 74
A new day, open eyes, and an open heart. My heart belongs to the one who speaks words of wonder. The one with the Heart of gold. She's the one who holds the key. She believes, she see's and most of all she knows.... The Real Me.. Sure i hide my feelings and push her away; but she pushes back even harder. She doesn't care about what anyone else thinks.SHe just wants everyone to be happy..
Even if that means shes not at her happiest.. She shines as bright as bright as a billion stars, but through the brightness, i still see the little freckle of darkness that she feels deep down. but her flaws and freckles make her who she is... Beautiful.. Stunning even.. I see everything she doesn't ill be her eyes, im her seeing-eye freshman for gods sake.<3
But i'm willing to fight for her.. no matter how badly it hurts me.. im going to win the heart that i want to be keeper of. Sure she loves him.. Sure he's better than me. But i love her. i see deeper than the messy hair, runny eyeliner and, sad texts.
She may be broken. but i'm willing to fix her. She is the definition of Beauty, The definition of life..
So tell me; are you willing to take the risk, and see the world with new eyes and an open heart? Come walk with me and i'll show you the beauty of life.<3
Article posted March 16, 2012 at 11:51 AM GMT0 •
comment • Reads 74
