How to make an awful salad
Get out a bowl to make it in.
Cut up some dog bones and liver and throw them in the bowl. You may grade up some moldy cheese but that is optional.
Either buy some tomatoes or get them from your garden, but remember to go outside and rub it in a puddle to give them extra juice.
You do not need lettuce for this salad.
Toss it and add what ever dressing you desire.