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I am a pork chop

By Jacob Danek



It all started out good; I was in the sauna [ oven] and got pulled out. I looked around, why was everybody staring at me like I was Elvis Porkly? The next thing I new I was being shoved into someone’s mouth. “Why me?”, I said in agony as the alien human crunched down on my fat pokalicois body. The teeth were yellow and as sharp as that fish that was in the oven for four years. The tongue was actually like a massage. The saliva glands were trying to make me into mush. Next stop the esophagus! I was still screaming ,“Why, why!” The walls were pushing me down. I saw this little flap opening and closing as I went down. The next stop is the stomach. The stomach breaks down the food to a very soup like liquid. The walls were sticky and had lots of acids that were breaking me down. There goes my arms and legs! I was in there for a long time. The stomach is where your food gets turned into mush so it is easier to go through the rest of your body.    Next went to the liver. The liver is a very important part of your body. If you did not have a liver you would die. Your liver produces substances and maintains the balance of many nutrients. Holey smokes! I thought liver was the stuff that dogs eat. The liver also plays a central role in the detoxification of drugs. Oh my gosh! That is way too much info to fit in my tiny little brain. And by the way the person I’m talking to is a teacher piece of bacon that studies the human body. She told me that we are going to the gallbladder.   I said, I am the commander of the pork army.   “Just to think I am porkalicios”, I said. The gallbladder is a small sac underneath your liver that stores and secretes bile, a digestive fluid that breaks down fat. All of my fat was gone after that “bile” came in. I was still trying to ask myself why I had to go down this body. “What did I do to make those aliens digest me?” Next was the pancreas. The pancreas is a small irregular shaped organ that resides between your stomach and your spine. The pancreas has two primary purposes. To secrete enzymes into your digestive system that help you break down carbohydrates and protein, and to produce hormones that help you maintain normal blood sugar levels. “My brain was bursting with knowledge.” I was on a roller coaster, but it was a human body. The next stop the small intestine. The small intestine is about 7 meters long and its purpose is to get your food to your large intestine. I was in there for a long time. Then I went into the large intestine. Right then I noticced that all of my moisture was coming out of me and I was all brown. I was not a pork chop anymore. The large intestine was bigger and took only a little bit. Then I went into a gross part called the rectum.  “Gross”, I said as I was squished into the piece of bacon I was talking to. The rectum stores the waste. “Wait a minute, I see the light! I see the light.” Finally I get to live a wonderful life in food heaven. The last words I heard were from the not so pretty anymore piece of bacon. “This is called the anus.   I still wish I was in that sauna cooking away. Now I am in heaven living a wonderful afterlife.


Article posted February 7, 2009 at 04:37 PM • comment • Reads 97 • see all articles

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