My holiday recount (1st attempt with no teacher assistance)
In the Holidays me mum dad and my two brothers stayed at the beach in a tent. We went boggie bording 6 times a day. We go Mr whipy every morning at 11 oclock. One night we had a big bom fire and some girls coverd in Glow sticks and it was so dark you could only see the glow stick. The next day we had to go home we had lots of fun.
Holiday recount (reworked with teacher conferencing)
We walked down the cold sandy beach to the sand crater where we were planting a bon-fire. My Dad carried the lumpy wood and put it into the enormous sand crater. We sarted up the bon-fire. We could see the wood burning inch by inch. Some one opened a bag of soft squishy marshmellours. We pushed them onto some long skewers and toasted them over the warm fire. Suddenly every thing fell silent. All I could hear was The huge blue waves crashing onto the sand. I felt tired so I went up to the big grey tent and went to sleep.
Below is my reflection on my writing