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CRAZY WINTER BREAK!!!!
I had the most outrageous winter break! It all happened during Christmas. The tree was 8 feet tall, so no one could get the star on the top. So I tried bouncing off the couch, but when I landed on the tree, it exploded, sending me, charred and blackened, into the kitchen.
When I came back my parents were both rocking on the ground, sucking their thumbs. It was for a good reason. From the rubble around the singed remnants of the tree, there appeared a beam of light. From that beam emerged a feathery-winged carrot named Hoog!! HE WAS STRANGE!!!!
Anyway, Hoog swooped into the kitchen and started wreaking havoc. I came in and he was gnawing on the box of Cheerios. I guess carrots like cardboard better than oats.
After that, Hoog zoomed back into the living room and started singing opera-style, ”I think that I shall never see a cardboard cereal box as lovely as the charred remnants of a tree.”
Then, before I could catch him, he broke into my leftover Halloween candy and ate 20 boxes of Smarties! As a result, Hoog got a major sugar rush and started zooming around the house at light speed.
After a couple seconds, Hoog went outside and grabbed an 8x8x8 block of snow and set it on the ground. He lured me outside by zipping by me and stealing my shirt, shoes, socks, and pants so I was in my underwear. I went outside to look for Hoog, and half a nanosecond later (Hoog was still really hyper), I had a mouthful of an 8x8x8 block of snow.
I began to think that I would have to live with an obnoxious carrot for the rest of my life. BUT HOOG MADE A FATAL MISTAKE. (MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!) When he dropped the snow on me, my puppy Finbar got some of the snow on him. And I know two things about Finbar:
1. Snow gets him wound up.
2. HE LIKES CARROTS. (Even flying ones)
So when Hoog was on the ground guffawing, Finbar jumped on top of Hoog and bit him several times before he escaped.
Actually, I did end up living with a carrot for the rest of my life. But at least after Hoog got bitten, he turned kind and considerate and was my butler for the rest of my life.
Article posted January 6, 2009 at 02:55 PM •
comment (8) • Reads 1385
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This is all about how your plot is a bit crazy which it seems you meant it to be but it is still a nice storie. The part about the Christmas is very descriptive and you sound like you are going to start a crazy or entertaining storie. I would not mind seeing my parents rocking on the ground sucking their thumbs I think it would be a great scene for a picture. I really think that HOOG gives it some fun craziness or somehow just got randomly added in which sort of sounds like the whole story has been sounding so far how I think you intended it to be like. Opera is very related to A hoog in the living room! Wow that is surprising someone would actually still have leftover Halloween candy other than me. I think that anyone would get a sugar rush from 20 boxes of Smarties and especially a HOOG since they sound crazy all ready. I would not mind going around my house at light speed because I could get things done much faster. The snow part does not sound very nice to have happen to you and I personally would hate to have that happen to me. Hoog really causes a ton of different catastrophes. I like how you somehow tied up your dog snow and your big problem of hoog all together it takes a lot of thought to do that and also you did it very nicely. Nicely put together with hoog turning into your butler. OVERALL you did very good with tying un related things together and making them lead on and on to a happy ending. You did very descriptive wording and big words.
TIPS I think you should describe hoogs body/how he looks a bit better but it is great.
Comment Posted on January 14, 2009 at 09:01 PM by
KD or Tina
I really love your creative imagination in the story. I also like that you are using jawbreaker type words to describe action like guggawing...swooped... and singed. I would love for you to include more details about what Hoog looks like. Is he orange? tall? skinny? What exactly does his mouth/face look like. It was kinda hard to tell from your letters. I also love the start to your story.
Comment Posted on January 13, 2009 at 06:23 PM by
I like your story alot it's really good.
Comment Posted on January 13, 2009 at 02:03 PM by
I love your descriptive vocabulary. I think you should describe Hoog's face better. See you today at 1:30
Comment Posted on January 13, 2009 at 12:26 PM by
The 8x8x8 block of snow only needed to be mentioned once and maybe you could have described Hoog's face a little more instead of saying his face looked like an L.
Comment Posted on January 13, 2009 at 12:16 PM by
I think that your storie was great and i love the creativaty and imaganation that you put in your storie. I also loved the humor that you have, i think it was a great storie.
Comment Posted on January 13, 2009 at 12:14 PM by
Thats funny i like hoog it would be funny to really live with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment Posted on January 13, 2009 at 12:09 PM by
Feel free to give me feedback on anything I can improve on.
Comment Posted on January 12, 2009 at 01:17 PM by