May Free Write. Have you ever felt like you had no idea who you were anymore? Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and said to your self “this is not me.?” I have. I’ve been doing that a lot lately too. If you have ever felt this way, then maybe my story and experiences will inspire you.
Lately, I haven’t been a good person. I haven’t been nice and I haven’t been loyal. I’ve been lying to my parents and sneaking around behind they’re back and I have no idea why I am acting this way. I’m just angry and sad all the time and I don’t know why?! Even though I don’t like doing it, I'll admit it. I’m scared. I’m scare because I know what I’m capable of and I’m afraid that I’m going to get really angry one day and I’m going to end up hurting somebody I care about. Someone I love. I don’t what to do. I don’t know who I am anymore. This isn’t who I am. Most of you who know me, you know this isn’t me. I’m usually really nice, friendly, happy, giggly, and I’m usually always smiling. I don’t know what happened. My life at home isn’t all that dandy either.
I argue with my parents, I lie to them, not realizing how much I’m hurting them AND me, and I’m sneaking around, also not realizing I’m making them feel like horrible parents because I’m making them feel, that they feel THEY did something wrong to make me not want to open up to them. I know that may not make sense to some of you, but what I’m trying to say, is I make them feel unwelcome, but they make ME feel unwelcome too! Sometimes I feel like when they threaten me and scream at me, it’s a sign that I’ve overstayed my welcome. I don’t want to lose my family over my stupidity.
DO NOT make the mistakes I have, because I understand that some of you, may even have it worse than me, but I’m just saying this to help you. If you feel that you changing in a way that you don’t like, you need to talk to someone. Like me, I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and he is helping me, a LOT. It’s nice to talk to someone and get things off your chest and knowing at the same time that you are always welcome and you wont be harshly judged. If you are having the same problem I am, then talk to someone. Try to open up to your parents, talk to your guidance counselor, go to that ONE person you know won’t judge you, and the ONE person you trust above all else. If you keep things bottled up, you’ll end up bitter, mean, unhappy, and alone. Please. Don’t make the same mistake I did.