MyHappienessIsShortLived,
These past few days have been really hard.. I hate constantly feeling like i'm not good enough. Like im not human. Sometimes i swear, people set out to build me up and tear me down. Even the ones who i think might, just might be different.. Well that's the case with Blake, everything was fine.. The, BAM! He goes and breaks the rest of me.. As if my life wasn't messed up enough as it is.. But, i've always told myself "The truth hurts, but it helps to heal you." I've always told myself that the truth was lies.. but now i'm seeing everything through a new light.. A dimmer one..He was the world my word revolves around, the gravity the held me up, and the air that filled my lungs.. He was my everything.. Sure, people say that its just puppy love. but its not.. i guess its true, your first "true, and genuine" love, hurts the most when it ends, And right now; its nearly killing me. i don't have the energy to do anything, i sit up crying at night thinking of the "used to be's" and "remember whens." it sucks, the pain isn't just emotional anymore, m heart hurts.. It feels like it just went through a war, and now its broken a little more than the last, but i'll survive i always do.. I don't know whether to be happy, that im still fighting, or upset that he's gone. I'm just going to take this as a lesson, and that lesson is; "don't give your heart to people that don't deserve it." I;'m going to learn to take my pain, and turn it into something beautiful. I'm going to change ; for the better. Im going to keep my head up and smile through the pain, and for the days i feel like i cant smile; im going to remember the night at the creek,behind your house. the night you gave me the "key to your heart" and i gave you that little piece of me. I'll smile even though its a "remember when we used to be". it's killing me, typing this, and seeing my thoughts come out on this screen; but the pain is only temporary, kinda like the love you showed me.. I'll only know the feeling for a short amount of time.. i cherished the time we had. i loved every second of it. But the pain it causes me now, i could certainly live without.. But tell me now before i go, was this your plan from the beginning? to build me up, then break down the "beautiful" thing you fixed, and made your own? If it wasn't for the promises you broke, i wouldn't be asking, but i am; because you did.. so tell me.. did you ever mean the beautiful words the poured from your lips? " i love you. "
