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Blog Entries
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 The Start of Chapter 1 So anyway all these thoughts are running through my head about the day, my life, and anything else that is as great that I can think of. First my day started with running into my archenemy, Joanna, who always has a reason to tease me. This might not sound even close to a great day, but because of this is why all the events happened after. Anyway, she kept on talking about how she was going to win her basketball game and that there was no reason even to try so much that I just had to start running away. Tears were running down my face I was so mad at her. She had no reason to say a peep about my team when we are so much better. So now I’m running through the school yard and the tears were now streaming down my face. I can’t see anything. It’s just a huge blur of water droplets. That’s when I thud into something much, MUCH larger than me. I scream, except I can’t scream. I’m being pulled into something much larger than me. I’ve never felt this feeling before. I’m just tumbling down, down, down… Article posted October 7, 2011 at 08:06 AM • comment (8) • Reads 854 • Return to Blog List Add a CommentPosted Comments  Thanks for the comments! I will try to fix my story based off of your suggestions.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:33 AM by
CBYou had a great hook! You forgot one comma though.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:24 AM by
GH6Yours was really, really, really good. I loved your hook. I'm not sure what to correct about it, but I think it should be a real book.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:22 AM by
JAYours was really, really, really good. I loved your hook. I'm not sure what to correct about it, but I think it should be a real book.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:22 AM by
JAWow you got me hooked! What a great way to start your story! I can't wait for the next chapter.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:21 AM by
AHI think this story is going to be very interesting, but the beginning of this story is very brief and it changes topics really quickly.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:21 AM by
JWWow! Very interesting! I like how you just hook the reader in immeadietly... I think that it could use some work too, though... I would like it better if it was a little bit longer, and in the 2nd sentence you said crazy twice in it. but otherwise, it's great!
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:19 AM by
ABYours was really, really, really good. I loved your hook. I'm not sure what to correct about it, but I think it should be a real book.
Comment Posted on October 7, 2011 at 08:19 AM by
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