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One hot day, Ilo and I were playing outside at a restaurant. Ilo sat on the chain that closes the car park and started swinging. CRASH! He fell backwards and hit his head on the hard, wet floor just where there was a broken metal piece. He started screaming and kicking his legs. I saw blood coming out from the back of his head and there was a small puddle on the floor.
I rushed to my mum, speedy quick! My heart was racing, I was shocked and scared. I looked behind me to see Ilo crying and before I knew it I was running faster than I had ever run before. I was thinking, “Oh my goodness! What am I going to do?” My knees were tingling, my throat was hurting, my hands were sweating. Mum rushed to pick him up and then we slid into a big, black taxi. I was worried.
When we reached the hospital we went into the doctor’s office, his name was Dr. Mohammad. He said that Ilo was going to have stitches. And then the stitching began. They wrapped him up like a mummy in a yellow blanket so he couldn’t move. Dr. Mohammad asked us to leave the room.
I heard Ilo crying inside the room. I was standing at the entrance of the door and when he came out he was still crying. I saw four blue strings coming out from the back of his head. At first I thought that they weren’t connected to his head but when I looked at him I saw that those were the stitches.
Article posted November 3, 2010 at 10:13 PM •
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I was so sad to read what had happened to your brother, but I was amazed with all the expressions you used in your personal narrative.Good job, Ona!
Comment Posted on December 13, 2010 at 06:13 AM by
I just love the way you have managed to add such clever detail to your story. You make it so clear that I have a fantastic mental image in my head when I read your words. It's also so wonderful to see how much you care for your little brother.
Comment Posted on December 9, 2010 at 05:36 AM by
I hope your brother is feeling much better. I'm sure you were scared to see him getting hurt. Hopefully, you won't have to experience anything like that again. Very good writing.
Comment Posted on December 8, 2010 at 01:59 PM by
Deena (Talia's Mom)
I am so impressed with your writing and description of what happened that day. I almost feel your emotions as if I was there. I hope to get more stories from you in future.
Comment Posted on December 8, 2010 at 12:39 AM by
I thought your description of this day was fantastic. Not only could I envision the event, as a result of your words, I could feel the emotions of that day, too.
I saw you brother at the Advanced Choir Concert last Saturday. I'm glad those "four blue strings coming out from the back of his head" didn't slow him down.
Comment Posted on December 7, 2010 at 02:19 AM by
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